Changing Definitions of Womanhood

My husband’s post-Diwali leave ended by watching Jhimma 2, a Marathi movie with my in-laws. In-laws, technically yes, but have spent more of my time and energy with them than with my own parents! My relationship with them is also a part of today’s article. Changing definitions of womanhood!

 

An easy yet happening movie, Jhimaa 2 is a perfect sequel to its first part. It's about a tour arranged by a young man called Kabir, who takes a group of ladies to London in the first part and Lake District in the second part. The story is about those women and their lives. How each one has her own struggles and wants to enjoy despite them. 

The coolest character was shown of Indu who turns 75 years in the second part. She has experienced the major struggles of her life and now simply wants to enjoy herself despite her Parkinsons. She is happy with a glass of wine, a smile on her face and encouraging all young women to aspire for something better. There was a middle-aged character called Meeta who was trying to gain confidence and live an independent life encouraged by her sister and daughter post her husband’s sudden demise. There was one lady who used to run away from all the enjoyment and over-exercise to forget the fact about the removal of her uterus and no marriage proposals because of that. Krutika is shown as the younger version of Indu- modern and practical. She meets Steve in the first part and runs a Bed and Breakfast service with Steve’s brother in the second part. The movie was stolen by Nirmitee Sawant who played the character of Nirmala, a perfectly depicted wife of a politician from a hardcore traditional family. She tastes alcohol for the first time in the first part and then craves for it in the second one. In the second part, she is also joined by her daughter-in-law, Tanya, a modern homemaker with an independent identity. 

There were a few very thoughtful situations, scenes and dialogues to strike a chord with our hearts and minds. 

The attitude of the new entrant Tanya was exceptionally remarkable. She was shown to be perfectly comfortable with her salwar kameez outfit, making teas and cooking whenever time demanded. Totally at ease and confident about her identity as a homemaker, without comparison to other ladies of her own generation. She tells the practical Krutika, I take care of people and cook for my own self. Having a job is not the only identity a woman can have. She swims to save the life of Indu and tells the lady with the uterus problem not to take tension, she can always adopt a kid. A lesson to be learnt by all of us is to be comfortable with our own selves without pleasing others and comparing ourselves with others. 

Meeta’s story also teaches a beautiful lesson on independence. Her sister and daughter are constantly trying to pair her with some man. Her teenage daughter finally tells her, Mother we are not looking for a father for myself, we are looking for a friend for yourself. An evolving take on companionship and marriage.

The hardcore traditional and not very educated character of Nirmala also finally accepts that her daughter-in-law is good. Initially, she is shown to be jealous of her as she gets the attention of all her friends due to her simple and caring nature, but in the end, they both make it up. A unique changing relation is shown between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. Tanya is shown serving a tablet with water to remove her mother-in-law’s hangover. Nirmala is shown acknowledging Tanya’s modern, outspoken and simplistic views. 

All in all a good take on womanhood. The changing identity of a lady in the changing times! Though I do not personally find women consuming alcohol cool, there are a few lessons for us in this one. What is important is the identity of a woman which arises from her strong sense of self reflected in her decisions. It is not related to the external world of job, family or clothes. But it's her comfort in being herself. It is definitely difficult in today’s world of social media where we polish ourselves to project a better self. But think about it, life is actually easier when we truly accept ourselves and others around us. Only when a woman is strong with a sense of self, the future generation can aspire to be the same. 

So times are always changing, and definitions evolving, but the winner is always a lady with a thoughtful head on shoulders and a loving heart in her bosom! 

Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu, Guru Devo Maheshwara

A lot of hue and cry has been heard about someone called Guru. People who have taken someone’s anugraha think He is the only power who will do everything for them. They need not work. People who are self-made never believe that it is worth giving another person so much authority to dictate their lives. 

 

These are two extremes of thought processes prevalent in today’s world of extremes. Which one is correct? We can debate over them for hours together giving valid examples of both extremes. 

 

In one such candid debates with my husband, who has no experience about this principle, who thinks God is in all human beings and who is one of the wisest men indeed, I tried to make adjustments to my own thought processes to find out the truth. So, I distanced myself from my thoughts to seek valid and more permanent answers.

 

A Yoga Upanishad called Advayataraka Upanishad explains the word "Guru" as follows:

गुशब्दस्त्वन्धकारः स्यात् रुशब्दस्तन्निरोधकः ।
अन्धकारनिरोधित्वात् गुरुरित्यभिधीयते ॥ १६॥

The syllable Gu indicates darkness, the syllable Ru means its dispeller,
Because of the quality of dispelling darkness, the Guru is thus termed.

 

The most important point to note is that it’s the quality of a person or thing to dispel darkness or ignorance which qualifies it to be called as Guru. 

 

Whenever we have a problem whom do we first recall? It’s our own strength, intelligence and consciousness to act appropriately. Whether we call our strength or intelligence or consciousness would again depend on which level of consciousness we currently are. Strength and intelligence can be seen in our decisions. But consciousness can be felt. It is our inner calling.

 

Our calling indicates our natural process of evolution. Yoga is not a fight with ourselves. It’s increasing our own awareness about our level of consciousness. Whatever we give according our nature (our individual combination of satva, raja and tama) comes back to us. Thus, our duty would simply be to keep the fire and desire of evolution within us ignited. 

 

When we continuously flow with our natural tendencies, one day comes when we feel our intelligence is insufficient to deal with the problems we face. That is the time, we need our inner power. That day the universal consciousness itself comes for helping us tap our inner Self in the form of Guru. 

 

It’s so simple right, Guru is not a person or a living being. It is our own Self coming out, when we are unable to reach Him within. This is Yoga! This is nature! This is evolution! When we unleash our own sheaths one after the other to reach the ultimate state of oneness. 

 

But even a small glimpse of that state is enough to bring craziness in an individual. The person would see only one Lord everywhere! In food, in garbage, in sinner, in lover, in child, in elders, in metals, in rocks. When one feels the universality of existence, it becomes difficult to stay in the current body. The body becomes the biggest restriction to totally feel the Advaita Sthiti. 

 

That is the time, when enlightened beings or Saints or Sages or what we call today as Gurus, come into the picture to give clarity of right and wrong and do’s and don’ts. Thus, Guru is our own Self guiding us from time to time. 

 

In whatever stage of life we are, if we have clarity or capability to have clarity, we do not seek the help of the Guru. If ever, our life lacks clarity or the capability of getting that clarity, open the hearts and keep the fire ignited. He is right there. He is God. He is Self. He is everywhere. Therefore its is said:

 

गुरू ब्रह्मा गुरू विष्णु, गुरु देवो महेश्वरा ।

गुरु साक्षात परब्रह्म, तस्मै श्री गुरुवे नमः ॥

 

 

Miss Crow with Mr Lizard

After watching some latest pathetic Hindi serials with abusive language, horrible scenes and unnecessary crime, after which I just could not sleep, I experimented with a Chinese series- Miss Crow with Mr. Lizard. 

One of the cleanest series watched off late. A simple Romantic comedy with not many twists and turns. A story of love and friendship of the modern times. 

The hero Gu Chuan is played by Allen Ren (I guess he is a Chinese superstar) and the heroine Jiang Xiao Ning by Xing Fei. The hero gets a mechanical heart implanted after an accident in which the heroine’s parents die. This heart needs to be recharged to stay alive. If Gu Chuan becomes emotional and his heart rate rises up beyond 100 bpm his body discharges electricity. If it goes beyond 120 bpm it can create blackouts or even electrocute a human being. So, he just manages to divert his entire energy to become a top-notch architect with a protective shield of a long face and rude behavior. To complement him is shown his best friend, an easy-going, fun-loving rich brat who downloads the software connecting Gu Chuan’s heart on his mobile. Anytime the hero lands up in an emergency he tracks him to help. The other story is of the heroine who comes from a not-so-rich Chinese family who struggles to pay the monthly bills. She has the liability of a middle-aged aunt and a grandmother who suffers from Dementia.

What makes the serial special is not the impractical mechanical heart and its glitches, but the awesome chemistry shown between the hero and heroine. How their relationship evolves from being a complete stranger in the first episode to the most mature couple in 36 episodes is worth watching. As always, there are many good takes from the series.

An excellently played strong character of Gu Chuan is very attractive. A person who is constantly on guard towards his own feelings develops a peculiar intuition while dealing with the world. Speaking in the yogic way, his senses and thus, consciousness is completely internalized for the maximum amount of time. He is also an example of how instead of sulking in want of a need for affiliation he goes for the higher need for achievement. (Everybody knows which need is higher as per Abraham Maslow, but I choose to differ here. Wait for a few more days to read about my take on affiliation and achievement). When such a person gets involved in a relationship, he gives his 100%, san doute. 

The cuteness of the heroine just cannot be ignored. Though she seemed to overact at times, she played a strong character towards the end. Her family is shown to be very simple and grateful. She loses 27 jobs and her aunt teaches her to bless every boss! So, we know from where she gets her tremendous willpower and positivity, which helps her towards the end. Would it not be great if we too after being knocked down in life again and again, keep fighting with the same optimistic spirit. She believes in prayers. That’s what saves Gu Chuan in the end. Jiang Xiao Ning is shown as a strong character with self-respect and goodness. 

The icing on the cake is their doted friends, who selflessly help them whenever they need. Another thing I started contemplating is that instead of having multiple friends with the least concern in most of them, why not have a few with complete concern. (Not sure of the practicality of the thought, though). Another peculiar thing I admired about the series was that both the women characters, the heroine and her friend, are shown to be full of self-respect (not like the women of Hindi-Marathi series who go on people-pleasing all the time). Ok, there is a very thin line between self-respect and ego, but let’s not get into that! In the end, both of them work hard and support their loved ones in every way. 

What makes the series even more special is the phenomenal music. I often play its songs on Youtube while cooking nowadays. I read the subtitles to understand while watching, but always with a loud volume. It’s the emotions of the words that we can connect to and not the language. 

All in all, a good watch for our generation. A beautiful story of how to stick to each other in times of ailing health, improving technology, and changing priorities. 

This series and obviously the daily happenings around have triggered the thought of the tussle between the head and heart again in my mind. Gu Chuan’s achievement reaches its peak and affiliation has just started. Jiang Xiao Ning’s affiliation is always there but achievement has just started. She balances both needs through her phenomenal attitude and faith. Faith is again a part of the affiliation. How beautiful these two needs take on our lives even if the lower needs are fulfilled or not is worth the watch. 

After watching the series if a similar battle triggers in your mind too, feel free to give an opinion. Miss Crow with Mr. Lizard on YouTube! 

Jigsaw Puzzle

A few days ago, our whole family played the game of Jigsaw puzzle. My younger one got a gift for her birthday- a 500 pieces jigsaw puzzle of the grand Burj Khalifa of Dubai. 

 

We lay the small 500 pieces of the grand building on the entire dining table. It took the entire weekend to complete. My preliminary and probably most boring of all the works was to segregate the pieces according to the colors, shades, shape of the alphabets, and overall design. We started to solve from two to three sides/ corners. Then got them together to make the bigger picture. It was pure fun! Everybody from my father-in-law to the youngest daughter played some part. As and when we finished our routine tasks, we would land up at the table, all engrossed in building the grand Burj Khalifa. 

 

This simple game taught me a few biggest lessons of life. 

 

·      If the vision of the goal is clear, it gives clarity and direction to the players. We all saw the goal in the box. So, all we had to do was contribute in small ways. 

·      Small portions of the design were first completed. Then they were joined to make the bigger picture. Every small step towards the end goal would count. It is something like the Japanese Kaizen- incremental improvements. 

·      The place of every individual piece was fixed. And the best part was that the pieces were a non-living thing, so they did not put anything called me or mine. Whenever the time of the appropriate piece would come, we would place it correctly to complete its purpose. Aren’t we the same? Sometimes as animate as the puzzle piece? We all have been sent for some purpose to do some role. The more me and mine we lose, the faster the creator will place us correctly to make the bigger picture. 

·      The 500 individual pieces taught that there is a way to co-exist. If we quarrel, for a prominent position or become greedy, the purpose of our life is lost and it would simply delay the reaching of our individual ultimate destination. Thus, all the diversities and differences in the world are not meant to fight. But to simply accommodate, accept and co-exist. 

 

 

Thus, if we as a species decide to have a clear vision, make small incremental improvements towards it, lose me and mine, and accommodate and co-exist, wouldn’t the world become a better place to live? 

Happy International Women's Day

Recently we celebrated International Women’s Day. I went for lunch with my mother-in-law’s friends. We saw groups of women flocked all over the restaurant. Women who belonged to all age groups came in their best looks and outfits and flaunted their advantage of womanhood everywhere. 

I started contemplating on what makes me special as a woman. What is the essence of womanhood? And the first thought I get while contemplating womanhood is of Mother Earth, the true symbol of everything that signifies the “She”. 

She breathes an unbelievable tolerance for us and our cruelty towards her. Despite our continual want of material things and unending greed, she accepts us all with the same big heart like a mother who accepts her ignorant and greedy children. She knows it all. She always knew it all. But she still chooses to love this beautiful creation of the Lord. Because she knows that she too is a creation of the Lord. She continues to give fertility, prosperity and tremendous love to the flora and fauna situated on her bosom. Even if we kick her hard, we continuously fight and kill each other, the Mother is hurt but does not leave her nature. 

Her true nature of accepting, toleraance and giving. But being a combination of Satva, Raja and Tama, she too is helpless and bleeds anger when the atrocities go beyond her limits. To lessen the atrocities immediately and change the very nature of animal instantly is impossible. But just like when our mothers get angry, we try to behave like her to get her love. Its time we learn acceptance, tolerance and the giving attitude from Mother Earth. Only a genuine attitude of acceptance of the constant change (beyond Satva, Raja and Tama), tolerance for individual differences or similarities and a constant commitment to give or sacrifice, can ease the remaining time of the human race of this blue planet. 

On this women’s day, we must embrace womanhood in its entirety. We must embrace the nature of women. A woman is not equal or greater or lesser than a man. She is not here to compete with the man. She is here to sustain and maintain this world, just like a man. She is created by the same Lord, who created man. She does not need any reservations or extra quota or separate identity. She is complete in herself, just like a man. She is His creation. She is beautiful in her own way. She maintains a beautiful balance of the world with her feminine qualities. And the time is perfect for embracing them to balance the greedy material development. 

Let us all imbibe the qualities of a woman to sustain happily. Let us be accepting, tolerant and giving to each other a little more. This is not possible by blindly following the world but by being a little Atma Nirbhar. Atma Nirbharta is not in the physical actions but it signifies an independent thought process which later on culminates in independent actions. 

Happy International Women’s Day!!! 

 

Business of Life

The competition was, is and will remain a part of survival. We just cannot avoid it. Even for a human being to take birth, one has to fight one million sperm cells. Only one germinates. It all starts in the womb itself. 

 

The law of nature itself propagates competition- survival of the fittest. The nature of survival itself uses a comparative degree. Since birth, we are constantly conditioned to compete in this world. We become so used to competing, that if we do not have any competition around, we start competing with ourselves. Ultimately, we end up in an intricate web of worldly entanglements which is very difficult to break. 

 

How ignorantly we live our lives to pass on the same old shackles of competition we inherited from our parents to our own progenies. Progenies multiply these shackles of competition to pass on their progenies and also to us when we can take no more. What we engage in is blind competition to ruin the peace of mind of generations to come. 

 

Is there any way out for an individual from this self-created rat race? Yes. We engage ourselves in the business of life and not in the vain competition for survival. 

 

I always thought life itself as a big business. A good business needs different things to survive and flourish- Production, HR, Finance, Marketing, IT etc. But even if few things are not in place, what makes the survival possible is the mission, vision and purpose of the business. Similarly, for a good and happy life, we need- family, job, friends, house, health, hobby etc. But if few things are not in place, what makes the survival itself difficult is simply a lack of self-vision, mission and purpose. 

 

We humans are so involved and attached to our lives that we cannot look at it like a good business. Even if one limb of our business of life is missing, we think it’s a dead end. For example, if we loose our job, it would be the end of world for most of us, who would not then look at the bigger picture. We could reduce our needs, shift to smaller house, have few outings. But we still would survive. What could help us survive is rethinking of a self-vision, mission and purpose. 

 

So, next time, when we face any major problem, always try to look at the bigger picture. Establishing or re-establishing of a self-purpose always helps to overcome smaller and temporary problems. In the end we may always remind ourselves that it is not important only to survive. But what is more important is how we flourish. 

 

 

The Eternal Saintly Grace

Saints are born to show us the right path. When they show us the path, it is eternal. The path goes beyond age, time and life. Today am going to write something about a saint who needs no introduction. His grace has changed the lives of millions. His grace has transformed my life multiple times. His grace was there since the beginning but I was blinded by my own desires to have lost the vision of it. His name is Sai Baba from Shirdi. 

Our relationship probably doesn’t belong to this life. But His grace was always there, is always there and will be always there! I didn’t understand the purpose of our union, as I kept on looking for it. As I kept on looking for answers and logic, He kept on showering His love and blessings! Like a doted father (Baba) kept on fulfilling our desires. 

Just like small kids who think a tooth fairy or Santa Claus really comes to give them gifts, we kept on thinking that it’s we who are getting it due to our own merits. It’s me, me and me! And then suddenly one day the illusion breaks and tears flow. These tears are very special. Because they are of realization of the grief of our unending selfish desires and of joy to realise the Grace of the power that stands within and without. Because we realise that this tooth fairy doesn’t come only when teeth fall. We realise that this Santa Claus never rests but celebrates Christmas all year round. This feeling of overwhelming and unconditional love is transformational. 

That’s what everybody wants. That’s the need of the hour. Unconditional love. Can we give this sort of love to our kids? Parents? Spouse? We find it so difficult. Because we think they are all mediums for fulfilling our desires. Thus, instead of loving them unconditionally, we keep on bombarding them with our desires which come out as expectations. These unfulfilled expectations are troublesome and lead to further trouble and further and further! The realization comes only when we fall. Fall big! This fall actually leads us to contemplation. 

Every question leads to the same answer. Love and Grace! Even after knowing the reality, it’s difficult to know the approach and attitude. This is where Sai Baba’s words come in. He said Shraddha (faith) and Saburi (patience). These words kept on echoing in my ears as I selfishly kept on looking for overrated logic in every relationship and every work. 

Then suddenly came the realization. Shraddha and Saburi are not meant only for God and spirituality. They are the attitude with which one must conduct their life. One must behave with kids and elders in such a way. One must also behave with their own self with faith and patience. And never give up on anyone!

One cannot and should not change the pace of their life. But one can change the pace of their thoughts. One can mould the attitude by incorporating these two qualities while doing every work and while dealing with everybody. 

I will try my best to follow Sai Baba’s teachings of Shraddha and Saburi. So that at least no new trouble starts and the previously created troubles start fading away! So that Grace is experienced and blissfulness is felt. 

Because in the end, we all are beggars. We come to the world begging for our desires. Baba was the best! For alms, He took all our pains and troubles and instead gave us eternal Shraddha and Saburi!