Mind Games: Moving Through the Conflict

Do you know what weeding is? It’s a process of removing unwanted plants from the ground so that the main plant can grow well. This is what we have to do. Removal of extra “me and mine” while letting the “roots” remain intact.

Hello everybody, as promised, I'm back with one practical yoga idea that works for instantly getting yourself back on track. Well, it has nothing to do with physical posture. It is all mind games. 

Patanjali Yoga Sutras, Chapter 2, Verse 33, Sadhana Pada, says “Vitarka-bādhane pratipakṣa-bhāvanam”. It means “In case of any disturbance (in observance of Yama/Niyamas), due to perverse (negative thoughts), yogi should try to cultivate opposite tendencies.” In short, whenever your mind is full of negative, harmful thoughts, fill it with the opposite, happy ones. 

If you feel like hitting someone, think about forgiving them. If you get perverse thoughts while doing your work, think about your spouse or the Lord’s feet. If you feel like selfishly holding on many physical things, think of a day without any of your beloved things available to you. 

In most situations, at home, in the office, or anywhere else, it is our constant reactions that ruin the already not-so-good situation. We can never get any solution by expressing our incessant opinions.

These reactions are born from our innate desires and fears. Trust me, fear or insecurity is our greatest enemy. Fear of accepting and letting go. This physical act of acceptance and letting go is impossible until you are mentally holding on to something more permanent. 

That something permanent is “Name-Chanting” or “Naam-Smaram”. You have to hold your mind through this super-easy ancient practice adopted by many Indian sages.

Giving up the control of the situation or being detached from it all by yourself is impossible for your small physical self, no matter how mighty your mind might be. Detaching from the outside situation empties you. And if you do not fill yourself with the right stuff at the right time, you will definitely be full of ego, which will make things worse in the long term. 

You just have to give up your interest in the conflicting situation. You don’t always have to avoid a conflict physically.

So, Naam Smaran is like the weeding process. It helps to remove the extra desires that might worsen things yet pushes you to do your duty without any interest in it. 

Simple, practical yoga tip that works wonders in day-to-day situations. Why don’t you try it and see for yourself? 

The Smallest Unit of Society

Time is again flying back. I do not feel like picking up morning newspapers. Child suicide, child rapes, child abducting, student suicides, merciless killings, husband killing wife, wife planning husband murder. Do we really want to head this way further as a society? 

There are endless discussions on the punishments for rapists, imprisonment for murderers. But have you ever wondered, who are these people? These are all from families with decent backgrounds like yours and mine. What goes wrong in their lives that makes them inflict such permanent wounds on other people? Anger? Frustration? Silent pains tolerated for years together? 

Nobody has answers for these questions. 

In a bid to find my own answers, I was just going through it all, whatever I could! One very important thing that has shifted drastically over the years is the changing family dynamics. Family is the smallest unit of the society. It is a part of the society and not something that an individual owns and can run the way he/she wants. 

Debates like traditional vs modern, AI vs humans, older generation vs younger generation, Indian food vs western food, men vs women are ruling and ruining the family ties and times. As the scales of the debate try to balance themselves out, it is impossible to arrive at a black and white outcome. Because these dualities keep the world going, so making a strong one-sided choice simply shows our non-acceptance of the changing dynamics of the world. 

If any family member who identifies too much with one part of the superficial debatable reality, and it loses, the person loses. Sometimes, his/her body, mind, confidence, track, and in the worst case- life. 

So, first let’s get our family lives back on track. 

People say it's the mobile phones that have ruined the families. I don't completely agree. They are partially responsible but not completely. Mobile phones are one such amazing invention that has brought together people from all walks of life. From 90-year-old to two-year child, all are hooked to it. You cannot get away with it. 

But whatever inventions happen or progress we make, the love and acceptance we get from our families is irreplaceable and has all the power in the world to make world a better place.

But if we ourselves haven’t experienced unconditional and limitless love and acceptance, it becomes impossible as mortal beings to transfer it to the other family members. Because, irrespective of our ages, our heads always come in the way of our hearts. 

So, you now know the dualities that you so strongly see in the outside world today are nothing but nurtured by our own ignorant selves over many lives. These dualities and debates will always be there. You still have to survive it all. You are meant to survive it all. Because life itself surpasses everything else. 

And now the very life is at stake. So, let’s team up. Let's bend down and accept whatever we have to. Let's stand tall where we have to. Let's clean our mess together, inside and out. And get back on track as soon as possible! Trust me this is the best inheritance we can give the future generation! 

Wait till you read about how to overcome these dualities. Am still figuring it out. But am sure I will have to write about it soon.

What Keeps You Motivated?

 

Abraham Maslow was one of the most famous psychologists of the twentieth century from the United States of America. He is well-known across the globe for his need hierarchy theory. This theory of motivation has guided innumerable leaders and people in the management field. 

According to this theory, every human being has needs that represent a hierarchical order, as depicted in the diagram below:

Initially, he stated that all these needs maintain a strict hierarchy, but later on, he made many modifications to this theory, stating that their order is not as rigid as he initially proposed. He further added that many times human behavior is multi-motivated and simultaneously aims to fulfill different needs. 

Thank God for those additions! Otherwise, our unidirectional brains would have interpreted it in a very wrong way. Not that the current way of its interpretation is 100% correct. Let’s explore different possibilities.

Is it because of this theory that today we look up to an accomplished person, someone with more freedom and confidence? And if a person who regularly practices meditation enters the room, all eyes will be set on him. He is self-actualized! The highest valued in the pyramid! 

The way I interpret it is that you cannot focus too much on Physiological and Safety needs. They are endlessly demanding. They can never satisfy you completely. On the other hand, Esteem or Achievement (as it is sometimes called) and Self-Actualization emphasize too much on the individual approach towards success. Rather, it’s the middle Social or the Affiliation needs that help you balance between the lower order and the higher order of your needs, by giving you a sense of purpose. 

The current system of education (even yoga education) breeds this hierarchy unconsciously. We value Achievement more than Affiliation. But we have to wake up to realize one day that only Achievement is not sustainable. It's a matter of the mind, which has to let go of its tendencies one day or another. But Affiliation is here to stay. Because it's a matter of the heart- the home of the ultimate reality. 

So, as we go up and down this pyramid, trying to set and reset our minds and actions, think about what can pull you longer? Your visible achievements or the silent forces behind them? You will get your way to sustain and master the competition. It all lies in your mind!

Work Life Balance and The Endless Debate

A lot is being discussed and argued about work life balance. From business tycoons, politicians, actors and actresses, employees- all have been giving continuous opinions about this important aspect of our lives. So, I am just one of them, sharing my viewpoint.

First, let's understand the meaning of work. You can consider work as primarily a source of income. That's what most of you do, right? If work is a means of earning money, that you are talking about, yes, it has to be timed. Because, if you work only for money you cannot spend hours on it. That work has to add more than the monetary value for it to be done continuously.

Again, by God’s Grace, if you earn money by doing the work you love, then the timing has no meaning. According to 3 Idiots, “Agar aapki girl friend aur biwi ek hi hai” then, it becomes enjoyment and not bondage. 

Bondage is the correct word. If work causes bondage, it cannot be done for long durations. If you are working for the self-created EMI’s or for the endless family needs, you are bound to break one day. 

But if work is liberating, it can definitely be continued. If you have some purpose, other than material desires, it automatically realigns your energies and saves you from collapsing- in life as well as on the treadmill!

But as your duty, you must carry on! The show must go on, right! Because giving up work due to lack of physical or mental ability to carry on is like the biggest defeat. So, the catch here is to surrender. As you age, you must learn to surrender, not the work but the results. 

Imagine Nitish Bharadwaj telling Feroz Khan to give up the results and fight on the battlefield, in a chariot!  Well, if it is told like a Gita Updesh, you might not want to hear. It might seem saffronization of one of the most quintessential lessons of life. But, the fact remains that the freedom of work can only be achieved through those magical words of Krishna. 

There is another very important factor about work that needs immediate attention today. Doing Swa-dharma. You can never get tired if you are doing your own work. That work is entirely done for the self. Even if it’s raising children, serving parents, or loving your spouse. You are fulfilling a part of your own desire through these relationships.

So, you have to ponder over a few things first. Are you working for yourself or fulfilling somebody else’s expectations- wife, children, parents, or the boss? Are you working because you need to save your face because of “log kya sochenge”? Or worse, are you working so that you can post it on LinkedIn and feel proud later on? 

You must consider all these things before trying to maintain a work-life balance. Because, as my beloved Nitish Bharadwaj once said: You cannot survive without action even for a moment. So, let’s first define our work and actions, and then define life; then we can discuss how to balance it!

Need of the Hour Innovations

 

I have been pondering over these things for a long time. In this big world of ours, some small changes will make a big difference in somebody’s life, to the natural resources, and to the general good of our existence. These innovations are:

• Digital Literacy in Schools

Urgent introduction of digital literacy in schools. Technology is here to stay, and so are we! So why not embrace it the right way? During the lockdown, kids were locked at home, almost literally. After that, there was an instant increase in media usage across the age groups, for multiple reasons. 

Not all media is bad. I learnt so many things myself from the net! But there are many things that are negatively affecting the children. The right usage of technology has to be formally taught through the education system. Because you are not raising only one child. Your child is a part of society, and as a society, we MUST take this step to save the future of our country. 

• Plumbing Innovations

As the entire nation faces water scarcity in one way or the other, we ought to find out some smart plumbing solutions. Taps, showers, jets, sprinklers, flushes, etc, etc, which use less water and more force. We HAVE to do this today or tomorrow. We cannot change the way people use water. But the supply itself can be restricted and regulated. If required, water closure for fixed hours or days at multiple places like housing societies, malls, hotels, etc. (This might create a huge revolt, but if required, we should adopt that step for the betterment of the future generations).

• Feeding the Needy with Leftover Food

This is URGENT. The way we celebrate and conduct our social gatherings has changed over a period of time. Food has been a major game-changer, socially, since the beginning. But there is so much food that goes wasted after a function. It is a pity. 

We must use platforms like Swiggy and Zomato to also deliver the leftover food to the needy. If required, altogether new platform should be built for this purpose. If this is practiced, there will be fewer hungry people and humbler rich people. People might take advantage of this one. But just because 5 in 100 will take advantage, we cannot keep 95 people hungry and throw away the food. This is sinful. Think about it.

• Better Town Planning

The Indian workforce across the urban cities is frustrated majorly about one thing- traffic. We have to modify the way we plan our towns. There can be areas with offices, schools, and homes nearby. 

There will be major infrastructure shifts required, including cycle tracks and footpaths along every major road. Limitations on the number of vehicles on the road can also be practiced. But with our population, this is difficult. But definitely not impossible.  Some may lose, some may gain in the short term. But in the long term, we get a healthier and happier workforce. Nothing matches this! You don't have to make compulsive work hours. When a person is healthy and happy, he/she can give their best performance. 

• Recycling

Recycling water. Recycling wet waste from homes, restaurants, and hotels. Recycling plastic wherever possible. The recycling itself has to be so neat that it doesn’t look and feel like it's recycled. Manure, which is food for the plants, can be easily made from all the wet waste from our homes. That will reduce the waste we throw and also give food to our fellow beings: plants.

• Indianization of the Toilets and the Way We Eat

I know you are going to hate me for this one! But please don't be blind. 

Using western toilets and then practicing Malasana for constipation is the blindness of our society. That position is good for your entire digestive, reproductive, muscular system, urinary system, and every other system you can think of. You cannot avoid working in front of a computer for long hours. But you can definitely think of helping your back and knees in the long term. Older people can be helped with a commode.  

Similarly, why not remove the luxury of dining tables and sit on the floor to eat? The husband who eats will keep his lower body in better shape and will also love his toned wife who serves him by bending down! Children will learn to sit on the floor, and their joints and digestion will be fine for a longer time. Older people will have to take fewer medicines. People with complications can be helped with a table and chair.

• Two People Cycle

This is very weird, and I don’t know if it's possible or not. But can we make a cycle that can be paddled by two people? The direction HAS to be handled by one. But both people have to make efforts for its movement. Whenever I am dropping off kids to classes, husband to the bus stop, I think that time can be utilized as a small exercise time. It will be fun! I am lazy. If this works out, I don’t have to take out extra time to work out!

Enough for now! This is an urgent call for the young innovators. This needs out-of-the-box ideas, major shifts, and changes across multiple levels. Baki toh ho jayega. You just have to work on changing your stubborn mindset! Thank you for reading!

Defense Academy Education

 Our younger one recently joined the Prabhav Defense Military Academy training at their school. The training is held every Sunday from 9 am to 1 pm. They make kids run, move, and exercise hard. Children have to bring three chapatis and sabji, and finish the tiffin compulsorily. Do you think your kid also needs this kind of discipline?

These are just a few things that are visible and might interest you. But the main things lie in what they teach, and how they conduct the classes. 

She told me a few things that are really very impressive and probably required to be taught to our kids. Two of them being:

• No man left behind:

In an excessively competitive world, it’s usually taught to go AHEAD of your peers. It’s ingrained in them so much, that it kind of becomes addictive. To go ahead of everyone around, to always win. This is an awesome way to teach children how to go WITH your peers. No marks oriented team-building exercise can have this kind of effect. 

• Ek ki galti sabki galti:

In cut throat competitive world with extremely inflated egoes, going ahead is usually at the cost of other’s mistakes. One becomes habitual to this kind of behavior of fault finding. When you make the whole team responsible for a mistake committed by one person, there is no other punishment more severe than this one. 

• Love for the country:

You cannot train your children in serving your country and your people till you yourself are not doing it. The main aim of Defense academies is to serve country only by building a stronger future generation. Today, their Kargil Diwas performance was not very professional, but it did invoke feelings for the country and people who serve it. 

Many countries have already made Military education compulsory for a few years in their countries. You can Google to check which countries! Do you think it’s required in our nation? 

A nation full of cultural and philosophical diversity needs to accept the changes of digital world and make children and systems stronger to incorporate the same. Why should Defense education be limited to only those who join the academy? What do you think? Do share your opinion!

Achievement vs Affiliation

This article was long overdue. Have you ever thought, what do you value more, achievement or affiliation? Do not consider this as a matrimony ad, giving you clarity for what you are looking for in your future spouse. 

Think of the very thought process that drives your actions, day in and day out. You may also consider it the famous dualities of all time: masculine vs. feminine, head vs. heart, visible vs. invisible. They are not all the same, but similar.

It’s very important to think, from the moment you get up till you sleep, what motivates your actions, speech, and thoughts. We all have some aspirations that keep us going. But there are some whose aspirations are to see others flourish. Like our mothers, mothers-in-law, grandmothers! The invisible force behind all our visible achievements. Who would you call greater? 

To get a clearer picture, let us first understand that everything you achieve is a part of the physical world, which is not permanent (as per most of the schools of Indian philosophy). When we talk about achievement, it is purely a part of the physical world. The physical world and existence have their limitations. You cannot experience them beyond a certain limit. (Read about the concept of Karma: Sanchita and Prarabhdha Karma.).

But affiliation is the invisible heart and desires behind your thoughts and actions. You can always raise it to experience life in a complete way. The more you fulfill each desire, the more complete you will feel, and the higher you will go for fulfilling deeper and subtle desires. 

We might carry our affiliations to the next life, but achievements are all to be left on this earth for the people of this earth. So, why not aim for affiliated achievement? At least, the intention of such an achievement will not be only to grow your “me and mine”, but to go a step ahead of it. 

Why not let the mighty head bow down to the pure heart to cleanse it of intentions and thoughts? Why not let the invisible true self shine brightly through the visible body? 

Think about it, everything that conducts your day-to-day life, relationships, parenthood, and even your achievements might reach their peak, if you give a chance to your affiliations.

For those who are wondering why I chose the words “achievement and affiliation”, wait till you read about Abraham Maslow soon. Till then, you'd rather clear this mess of achievement vs affiliation!